Enough!

My husband and I are attending services on Saturday evenings due to his work schedule. For me, this leaves Sunday mornings free for extended quiet times with the Lord. Today, the Lord spoke to me about something I've been struggling with for years - the regret for life not turning out the way I envisioned.

The TV preacher was quoting the verse, "If you will delight yourself in Him, He will give you the desires of your heart." (Psalm 37:4). I suddenly became very frustrated and angry. I paused live TV, and said to the Lord, "Enough! This season of regret, this will end today!"

For the last several years of my Christian journey, I have been delighting in Him, or at least so I thought. Through challenge after challenge, I put on my brave face and said, "The Lord's will be done. He trusts me to go through this adversity. I will do it with gladness." Why, then, was I not getting the desires of my heart?

What were my desires? I had wanted to stay home with my son when he was growing up. Due to decisions made, and situations over which we did not have control, we were unable to sacrifice the income needed to make that happen. Now he's 18 and a senior in high school. Has he been harmed by this? Absolutely not! In fact, the independence he gained at a young age (5th grade) when he first came home alone after schoool, the social skills he developed in daycare, the support of church family and friends, the acceptance of Jesus Christ as his Saviour at the tender age of 5, all have formed him into the godly young man he is today.

So, why was I still upset about this? Why did this regret keep surfacing? Could it be that my struggle was not with God, but with his adversary? Could it be that thoughts of failure and inadequacy were not from my Holy Father? Would satan continue to torture me to keep me from enjoying God's abundant life? Well, he can try, but today I am standing firm and saying, "Enough!" Do I serve a God who is not able to accomplish His purpose regardless of decisions and detours that I make? Did He not part the Red Sea? Did He not sacrifice His Son and raise Him from the dead in payment of all my sins past present and future? Who am I - a small microcosim in God's grand plan - to think that my choices could deter His plan for me and my family?

As these truths sunk in, waves of gratitude rushed over me. It truly was Enough. There will be no more regret. My God, who created me in my mother's womb, will continue to walk beside me, lead and guide me, and He will give me the desires of my heart.